Hurting

So I found out the guy I was sleeping with and talking to doesn't want to hang out anymore because he is talking to someone. What pisses me off is that he didn't want to hang because we end up sleeping together which I understand if you are talking to someone else but darn. We finally agreed we could be friends and that it wouldn't be weird between us. I am about to be mean though. He will be sorry he messed with me.

Poop

So I know I have been acting kind of dumb. I am attracted to a guy that I am not sure is attracted to me. I am going to Murray tomorrow to visit Wesley and was going to see if I could see Tony but he seems like his semester is going to be nuts and I don't want to disturb him...I know I am being silly but I thought that if he wanted to talk to me, he would message me first. Well, it has been four days and will soon be five days. I don't think he misses me. Wesley said he told me I should message him if he thought it was the right thing to do but honestly, I don't know what to do. I just wish if he cared for me...he'd give me some kind of way of knowing. I'm such an idiot.

It's Funny

You know it is weird how you hope and wish for someone to talk to you or text to and when you actually go out of your way to contact them, they don't respond...I just wish I wasn't someone that cared so much. I know this guy is never going to want me. Maybe because I am just too needy. Actually, I know I am too needy. I hate this. I hate that I want so much attention from guys and I know sometimes I won't get it. On another note, I am now a graduate of Murray State. I am an alumni! Maybe that is another reason why this wouldn't work....I am going back home and this guy will be here. I'm sure he will find someone else way prettier and cooler. Sigh. Shoot.

Well, at least the year is almost over

So, my ex-boyfriend talked to me on Fb for the first time since we broke up and I am glad he apologized for the stuff he had done, I just don't think we can even be friends at this point. I forgive him what he did but he is married and expecting a child. Plus I have been making some super poor decisions lately so I have been having a rough few weeks. I met this guy named Tony last weekend. He is pretty cute and he seems sweet. I have already slept with him a few times and we only met last Saturday....I'm so stupid. I really want him to know that I want to know him as a person and know his heart. I don't care what he could do for me sexually. I doubt he will even try to get to know me since I am easy...I am failing at life right now. :( I feel if I talk to my friend Sam, she will get upset with me and tell me I suck at life. She did that once and it really upset me. I'm so stuck...

Sadness

My roomie found out her dad passed away this morning....she left while I was asleep. I felt horrible because my other two roomies tried to call and text me but I had my phone on silent because people kept texting me last night. Oh my gosh, I'm a bad friend...I feel horrible. I know Brea knows I care for her but I was just tired last night and I wish I could show her I'm here for her.

Just Writing

So recently I have been feeling a little sad. My uncle is still sick and I know he won't get better. It's also secretly killing me that I'm single. I know it shouldn't because I know I don't need someone to be happy but I'm 22 and haven't been on a date. I think that is sad. I feel like when I do meet guys, they turn out to be douches who either talk to me and then ignore me or they decide they are going to talk to someone else. Sorry, I know no one really reads these things but I just thought I would write since I'm kind of upset.

Been Too Long

So I haven't written in this in almost a year. I feel like I can write this out then it makes me feel better. Um this year has been kind of been okay and not okay. I was with a guy who is with someone else and he will be married in May...I knew it was wrong but I was being selfish because I thought he was nice. We are still friends and everything but I feel like he thinks I am just the person he slept with and is now hurt about it. I mean, I'm not destroyed by it or anything. It does suck. I won't lie about it. I really got the feeling the reason he did what he did was because he wanted to and he was attracted to me too. Then he goes and blames the reason he slept with me on me saying I came on to him first. I mean, I guess in a way I did but he could have said no. I feel things are still a little award around him even though we are friends. I dunno. That was two months ago. Sad thing is...I still wish he was mine sometimes. I'm messed up. Also, started having feelings for a jerk guy that I knew was a jerk but he was being so charming and sweet to me I thought that maybe he had somehow changed. Nope, his ex thinks they're working things out when he has been telling everyone he is single...I know, he is a winner, isn't he? Not. Then a friend basically implies to me I would look better as a redhead. you know what? Screw you. I'm a beautiful person and if you can't accept that then stop talking to me. Jerk. I don't need to change how I look to be amazing.