Just updates

So far 2012 hasn't been a bad year. I am really being positive about this next semester and I think I can get through it :). It is weird that it is already halfway through the year and before I know it, it will be Summer again :)).

Trying to improve my self esteem

So, I am getting so tired of being harsh on myself. I keep saying I am not as good of a person as I should be which granted, I think everyone feels like that to some extent but I need to improve my confidence and convince myself that I am a better person than I think I am because I am a better person than I think. So starting today, I'm not saying mean things to myself and think of positive things of myself. I think it will really help me in the end.

Aaron talked to me :)

So I know this is kind of childish but today was the last day of volleyball class and Aaron was there today and I was talking to a few people and he talked to us before he left. I am sad I won't see him like I did next semester. :( I'm silly. I wish there was some kind of chance I had with him but I know it won't happen.

And the job search is looking bad

So far, I haven't had any luck finding a job, it is starting to stress me out. If I don't find a job by December, I am in trouble. I am going to Tumbleweed tonight if it kills me. I am not sure if they are hiring (they probably aren't) but I can at least check. I also have to print off more applications today. Ugh, this stinks.

The search for a job begins

So I feel like I have applied to a hundred places already when really it has only been like 10. However, 10 is still a lot of places. I am so nervous because I picked up an application to Tumbleweed, my crush works there and his girl too. Maybe if for some crazy reason they decide to interview me, I can be put in the back, like so far back I can't even talk to Aaron. That would probably be good. I just don't want to be awkward or have him think I'm trying to steal him when that isn't the case at all. I'm not a horrible person who steals away boyfriends. This weekend I also have to do my English paper...ew. I so don't want to do it. But I guess it needs to get done before I stress out about it.

Insecurity is killing me.

So, the guy I'm crushing on has stopped being as flirty to me. It kinda bums me out and makes me feel ugly. I know that is so childish to say but that's how it makes me feel. I just wish if he was attracted to me, he would somehow let me know. I am not asking him to cheat on his girl but it would be nice to feel pretty. I just wondered what happened to make him stop acting like he did around me. Recently I haven't been feeling very pretty anyway and I have been stressed. Ry won't leave me alone and I feel he doesn't respect my boundaries at all. How is he supposed to get over me when he keeps getting in contact with me? He is upsetting me. Ran made me upset because she says I have been acting like a jerk. I don't think she's right, I mean I have become a smarty pants but not a mean one. She did apologize to me but  I just feel so confused. Ugh.

Awkward week? Awkward week.

So, I know I keep talking about this guy in my volleyball but I'm super attracted to him and it sucks since he is taken. I'm doing my best to forget about him or even the thought of him and me. It just won't happen, I don't understand why I can't accept that. Ugh, maybe I'm just nuts. I dunno. Tomorrow I am doing engagement pics with my bestie and her fiance. I'm ready to kinda get outta the house for a little bit and take a break from studying. I'm going to die this week because I have one test after the other on Tuesday and Wednesday :/ but I will try to be positive :)