Aaron talked to me :)

So I know this is kind of childish but today was the last day of volleyball class and Aaron was there today and I was talking to a few people and he talked to us before he left. I am sad I won't see him like I did next semester. :( I'm silly. I wish there was some kind of chance I had with him but I know it won't happen.

And the job search is looking bad

So far, I haven't had any luck finding a job, it is starting to stress me out. If I don't find a job by December, I am in trouble. I am going to Tumbleweed tonight if it kills me. I am not sure if they are hiring (they probably aren't) but I can at least check. I also have to print off more applications today. Ugh, this stinks.

The search for a job begins

So I feel like I have applied to a hundred places already when really it has only been like 10. However, 10 is still a lot of places. I am so nervous because I picked up an application to Tumbleweed, my crush works there and his girl too. Maybe if for some crazy reason they decide to interview me, I can be put in the back, like so far back I can't even talk to Aaron. That would probably be good. I just don't want to be awkward or have him think I'm trying to steal him when that isn't the case at all. I'm not a horrible person who steals away boyfriends. This weekend I also have to do my English paper...ew. I so don't want to do it. But I guess it needs to get done before I stress out about it.

Insecurity is killing me.

So, the guy I'm crushing on has stopped being as flirty to me. It kinda bums me out and makes me feel ugly. I know that is so childish to say but that's how it makes me feel. I just wish if he was attracted to me, he would somehow let me know. I am not asking him to cheat on his girl but it would be nice to feel pretty. I just wondered what happened to make him stop acting like he did around me. Recently I haven't been feeling very pretty anyway and I have been stressed. Ry won't leave me alone and I feel he doesn't respect my boundaries at all. How is he supposed to get over me when he keeps getting in contact with me? He is upsetting me. Ran made me upset because she says I have been acting like a jerk. I don't think she's right, I mean I have become a smarty pants but not a mean one. She did apologize to me but  I just feel so confused. Ugh.

Awkward week? Awkward week.

So, I know I keep talking about this guy in my volleyball but I'm super attracted to him and it sucks since he is taken. I'm doing my best to forget about him or even the thought of him and me. It just won't happen, I don't understand why I can't accept that. Ugh, maybe I'm just nuts. I dunno. Tomorrow I am doing engagement pics with my bestie and her fiance. I'm ready to kinda get outta the house for a little bit and take a break from studying. I'm going to die this week because I have one test after the other on Tuesday and Wednesday :/ but I will try to be positive :)

The craziness of life

So I got to hang out with my friend, Em last night and we watched an old school R.L. Stine movie that was kind of weird. It was about a kid at school who was being bullied because he enjoyed bugs and science class. He figures out that he can talk to bugs and they understand him so he decides to scare the crap out of this bully at school. All of these roaches appear out of no where and attack the dude until the kid calls them back and the kid purposely steps on a roach and the bugs turn against him and kill him in the end. Creepy and depressing. I need to study more for my test but how does one study for a test when the questions are mostly opinion based? I dunno.

Eh...

So for some reason, I feel like I have been off today. I was a  little upset because I didn't get to speak to the cute guy in my class. I know it would never happen but it is nice to dream. Ironically, we talked about being too absorbed in our imagination that we miss out on reality. But really the conclusion was that you have to have a balance of reality and imagination. For instance, I can daydream about the hot guy and pretend he is dating me but in reality, I know it couldn't happen. I am okay with it, I just think I've been thinking about him a lot since my bf and I broke up two weeks ago. I dunno, I'm kind of pathetic.