Being nice

Update on a few things. Found out my friend, Nate isn't moving after all. He is about two hours away still but I am so glad he won't be super far. Recently, I have been super emotional and I really think it is because I have been thinking about stuff in my life. I look back at all of my bad decisions and even though I know that they weren't right, I know that I can always start over. I can't really go into detail about them but I have been struggling with some stuff. I haven't really any self worth in myself. It is sad but I have been trying to be positive. I also haven't been sleeping very much. I have only gotten three hours. I need to exercise/run today. Oh, one more thing, my sister and I had a vintage photo shoot! :) We finally got all of our pictures done! I need order them but  unfortunately, I can only really afford smaller prints. But needless to say our pictures turned out amazing! Here is a little sneak peak.

Ran and I 

Lots of sad stuff

So, I found out that my friend, Nate may be moving to Arizona. We hung out yesterday but we really didn't do anything but see The Purge. It was really stupid. I was kind of upset because he didn't talk a lot....I dunno if he was trying to not talk to me.  Tony has stopped poking me on Facebook. He randomly stopped when I spent the night with him last month... I hope I didn't upset him when I got off my period, maybe when he was sleeping with me he made me bleed on his sheets again. It is a stupid reason to be upset with me over that though. I texted him one day and basically told him I thought it was stupid that he was ignoring me. I also looked up on how much he has been creeping me on Facebook and it says he is still looking at my profile a little bit. So now I am confused again. Or maybe that list only shows how much I have interacted with someone? I don't know. I wish I could just forget

I don't know what is happening

So apparently, Tony blocked me on Facebook yesterday. I still have no clue why. I slept with him last month and tried to poke him again and he kept deleting them. I didn't do this but every few days. I mean, he wouldn't even wait that long to poke me on Facebook. I think I scared him. I don't really consider what I did as creepy or awkward. I just don't understand why he would block me. I was really mad about it but really, he is just a jerk. I don't think I will ever understand why he did that. I talked with Wes about it and he just told me that I didn't seem creepy. My other friend told me he just sounds like a dick. I wish I could tell him out of those times he was with me, I never did cum. His dick was probably too small. I wasn't mean when I texted him though. I told him that I hope he was successful in life and that I hope he was safe. That makes me seem silly but, oh well.

Hurting

So I found out the guy I was sleeping with and talking to doesn't want to hang out anymore because he is talking to someone. What pisses me off is that he didn't want to hang because we end up sleeping together which I understand if you are talking to someone else but darn. We finally agreed we could be friends and that it wouldn't be weird between us. I am about to be mean though. He will be sorry he messed with me.

Poop

So I know I have been acting kind of dumb. I am attracted to a guy that I am not sure is attracted to me. I am going to Murray tomorrow to visit Wesley and was going to see if I could see Tony but he seems like his semester is going to be nuts and I don't want to disturb him...I know I am being silly but I thought that if he wanted to talk to me, he would message me first. Well, it has been four days and will soon be five days. I don't think he misses me. Wesley said he told me I should message him if he thought it was the right thing to do but honestly, I don't know what to do. I just wish if he cared for me...he'd give me some kind of way of knowing. I'm such an idiot.

It's Funny

You know it is weird how you hope and wish for someone to talk to you or text to and when you actually go out of your way to contact them, they don't respond...I just wish I wasn't someone that cared so much. I know this guy is never going to want me. Maybe because I am just too needy. Actually, I know I am too needy. I hate this. I hate that I want so much attention from guys and I know sometimes I won't get it. On another note, I am now a graduate of Murray State. I am an alumni! Maybe that is another reason why this wouldn't work....I am going back home and this guy will be here. I'm sure he will find someone else way prettier and cooler. Sigh. Shoot.

Well, at least the year is almost over

So, my ex-boyfriend talked to me on Fb for the first time since we broke up and I am glad he apologized for the stuff he had done, I just don't think we can even be friends at this point. I forgive him what he did but he is married and expecting a child. Plus I have been making some super poor decisions lately so I have been having a rough few weeks. I met this guy named Tony last weekend. He is pretty cute and he seems sweet. I have already slept with him a few times and we only met last Saturday....I'm so stupid. I really want him to know that I want to know him as a person and know his heart. I don't care what he could do for me sexually. I doubt he will even try to get to know me since I am easy...I am failing at life right now. :( I feel if I talk to my friend Sam, she will get upset with me and tell me I suck at life. She did that once and it really upset me. I'm so stuck...